2023.05 67-4 Polyfidelity Experiences, Loyalty Issues, and Triangulation Among Gay-male Couples
Polyamorous relationships and other consensual non-monogamous relationships (CNM) have received more attention and interest from both scholars and popular communities in Western countries for more than 20 years. Contrarily, these have been underdiscussed in Taiwan. CNM relationships were mostly invisible in Taiwan; if mentioned, they were often solely connected to negative labels and stigmas. Only a handful of studies in Taiwan mention CNM relationships; fewer targeted polyamorous relationships and CNM relationships as the topic of their research and study.
According to previous empirical studies in the U.S., polyamory and other CNM relationships are more common in gay-male communities. Although no empirical study has been conducted in Taiwan to estimate the population of CNM practitioners, comparatively more studies targeting gay-male relationships in Taiwan found some types of CNM relationships in their research. It is theorized that because gay-male individuals find themselves not fitting the heterosexual relationship norm, they have the opportunity to build their relationships from scratch. Because homosexual individuals have more opportunities to process and ponder what constitutes a relationship, it is easier for them to step out of monogamous norms and build their relationships differently. Considering the difficulty of recruiting polyamorous couples in Taiwan, the present study targeted gay-male couples as the participants of this study.
Aiming to understand how gay couples build and sustain polyamorous relationships and their living experiences, the research question of this study was: What are the interaction patterns and dynamics among gaymale couples' polyamorous relationships?
Polyamorous relationships often involve more than two people, and the dynamics and interactions could be complicated and intricate. To better understand the dynamics of the relationships and interactions between couples, the present study utilized the Structural Family Therapy framework as a theoretical lens.
To uncover the mystery of this often-neglected and stigmatized relationship and provide luminance and clarity to Taiwanese scholar and popular community, this qualitative research was conducted through narrative approach aiming to analyze the interaction patterns and relationship dynamics of polyamorous relationships among gay couples. A polyamorous couple, consisting of three participants aged 32-35 years, were recruited. Their polyamorous relationship lasted for six years but ended during the study. The present study used semi-structured interviews to collect data; joint interviews were conducted with couple participants, and individual interviews were followed up to collect individual views from each participant. However, only two of the three participants were interviewed individually because of their breakup.
From the interviews conducted, the following conclusions were drawn.
(1) The present gay-male participants agreed not to seek romantic or sexual connections outside of their established relationship structure. Their polyamorous relationships became "closed" and all members engaged in "polyfidelity" relationship.
(2) Unlike most heterosexual couples in previous studies, the present gay-male couple negotiated and stepped into a polyamorous relationship to deal with their cheating issues.
(3) The researchers believe the reason this polyfidelity relationship started and ended ,according to a systemic perspective and structural family therapy lens, was related to triangulation and loyalty issues. The ways in which triangulation and loyalty issues were maintained and ended the relationships were discussed.
(4) The boundaries between these gay-male participants were either diffused or rigid and their relationships were both enmeshed and disengaged. Researchers believe that these boundary issues may raise negative emotions, such as jealousy between couples, and compromise couples' ability to deal with couple-hood challenges.
Finally, resources and suggestions are presented for mental health, marriage, and family professionals.
Keywords
Consensual non-monogamy, gay couple, polyamory, structural family therapy perspective, triangulation
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